Emily Alexander | Meredith is Crying and I am Too

August 2019

Emily Alexander

Meredith is Crying and I am Too

the moon is out there probably bewildering the best of us but I’m tired from all day trumping through rainboots long after the sky cleared and indoors anyway yesterday in the ER a bomb rib-lodged in a man’s chest then two train commuters skewered onto a hand rail so I shove a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth to shut me up I should be a surgeon instead Meredith kisses Derek outside the hospital she’s had such a wide music-swelled night his hand lifts as if to ask her waist a very small question what could be better than this not stuttering not the full so what sky not my own hands pulling off a stranger’s shirt in June even lemon trees careless even the wobbliest loons even I was like her pink-cheeked promiscuous then I fell asleep then I woke up to pee then I found my keys drove home I barely made a dent in night it dented me right back here I am again oh Meredith hold me in your blue-glowed scrubs I forget where my body ends yours begins I want to save three lives in one day I could do it I think keeping a retractor steady looks easy but what do I know it’s late I’m all out of peanut butter and still kind of hungry

I started a little series of poems about Grey’s Anatomy mostly so I could have an excuse to keep watching and rewatching the show, but also because every time I watch it, I start to think maybe I should go to med school or sleep with my boss. I watch Meredith live her big, dramatic life, and surely I’m missing out on something! Where’s my McDreamy? Where’s my inoperable tumor? Oh yeah — I’m still sitting on the couch.

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