Sarah Brockhaus is an MFA student at Louisiana State University and has a bachelor's degree in English from Salisbury University. She is a co-editor of The Shore Poetry. Her work has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize and her poems are published or forthcoming in Guernica, The National Poetry Review, American Literary Review, The Greensboro Review and elsewhere
The blinds turn the streetlights
to lattice across your face. I want to call you
beautiful but I slip, tell you I wish
I was a camera because you look
like want. Understand how my hand
brushing the hair from your eyes isn’t
intimacy, it’s Sorry. When I kiss you it’s still,
like magic. You cry so I watch
the light patterns and breath feels
the same as waking in the middle
of the night at seven years old. Do you hear
the voices through the walls like drowning?
There is a bridge in my hometown that crosses state lines
and if you stand in the middle you get to be both
at once. I threw a pumpkin off at 3am. It hit the post and became
millions before the dark water took it, every little piece. I don’t
know what that means but I watched it become
something else and I didn’t say sorry then, either. I just held
it, a cold whisper in my mouth. When you call me beautiful, press
your eyes against me like a body, I feel like a child. Yesterday
we were eating grapefruit in the kitchen and I held each slice
up to the window like stained glass. I want to say something true
but the words don’t exist yet. If I kiss you, it isn’t
a promise. This is muting. A way to observe without being
begged into it. When we talk, I watch
from the ceiling. I can read us like a tarot deck, can prescribe
you crystals to replace my hands. If there were a pill to end
leaving, I would take as many as I could find.