Lindsay Tigue is the author of System of Ghosts, winner of the Iowa Poetry Prize. Her work appears in POETRY, Prairie Schooner, Indiana Review, Hayden's Ferry Review, and other journals. She holds an MFA from Iowa State University and a PhD from the University of Georgia. She lives in Ferndale, Michigan.
I think I’ve become wordless, or
unable to read. I leave the refrigerator box
in the kitchen for months. I mean
this isn’t thriving.
I have dreams we’re all
en route to pharmacies. It’s just
another Tuesday. I’ve forgotten how to write,
too. I scoop the cat food from the floor
with my hand. I think a lot about New Year’s
2009. The bartender who took my picture,
the photo I have of a noise-
maker, flip phone, champagne
flutes on the bar. I keep thinking
one day you’ll call me and describe
the contents of your room,
It will be quiet as if
you’ve lost your voice. My bookmark
is the folded up operating
instructions for a pulse oximeter. 1.
Operation of the product is simple
and convenient. 5. Finger and body
should not tremble
during measuring. For the sake of after,
I send and receive texts from strangers. Can we
count on you. Reply —
Will you help us. Vote.
4. The device has no alarms. 3. Place clamp
over finger. One day, I’ll be in strange,
unfamiliar rooms, examining the spines
of cookbooks. I imagine — out of frame —
a bed full of coats. At night
I feel for my dog’s ribs. 2 a.m., 3 a.m. For months,
I wash my hands until they bleed.
I wrote this poem in early fall during the run up to the 2020 election. During this pre-vaccine pandemic time, I was phonebanking for Democratic candidates, teaching online, and living alone with my pets in a fairly remote area. I didn't write much then, but this poem captures a kind of grief and aloneness I felt — feelings that seemed both resigned and frantic at the same time.