Glass Poetry Press

Volume Six Issue One
Special Feature: The Poetry of Aurora House

Jennifer Downes

My Little Girl

When I was 19, I got pregnant for my third child. My two other children lived with my mom. When I found out I was pregnant I was already 6 months along. I was drinking and using drugs until I found out. I didn't know what to do. I hid my pregnancy from my whole family except my mom, only because I decided to give the child up for adoption. I had my child on November 25, 1992. The child was a little girl, she weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz., was 20 inches long and I named her Racheal Ann Downes. She was so beautiful. All I could do was hold her and cry. She was born with brown hair and hazel eyes, and I fell in love with her as soon as I laid my eyes on her! I was heartbroken. I knew I couldn't keep her. The dreadful day came when I had to leave her in the hospital. I was heartbroken and an emotional wreck. Still I told no one but my mom and my cousin Dana. Nine days had gone by. Me and my cousin went to K-Mart to get Christmas cards and I told her I was signing the adoption papers in the morning. I asked her to go to the baby aisle with me so I could pick out a pair of booties for my daughter. While we were in the baby aisle, I became overwhelmed with sadness. I looked at all the cute baby stuff, imagining my little girl playing with the little toys, imagining her in all the beautiful clothes. Could you even begin to understand what I was going through? This was so hard on me. Later that night I couldn't take holding this secret inside of me. I called my dad and step-mom and told them my situation. They asked me to come over and talk to them, so I did. When I got there I began to explain what was going to happen in the morning. They both started to cry. My step-mom looked me in the eyes while all three of us were crying and asked me if I would let them adopt her, so this way she would be raised in the family instead of being with strangers. Without even thinking about it, I said yes. By far this was the best decision I could have ever made. That next morning we went and signed the papers for adoption. She was no longer mine, but in my heart she always will be. I dedicated a song to her: Whitney Houston "I'll Always Love You." I love you Libby.