Brendan Gillett is lost in his desk somewhere.



Poets Resist
Edited by Jonathan May
June 22, 2018

Brendan Gillett

Instructions for Commemorating Low Points in American History
With Cocktails

I. using only $20 bills, Jackson-side up, buy any and all beers put out by the Cherokee Distributing Company and spread them out around the party as guests arrive and you want to expand / move these First Libations bottles without warning / without exception / without consultation / without consideration / drink or drop some along the way of this Trail of Beers II. fill glasses with mint, sugar, and lime and place on two separate — but equal — trays / fill most with light rum and the rest with dark / label them Jim Crojitos / for best results, place the dark tray under the bar / assure guests that they can still enjoy those drinks but it's just easier this way / to know our preferences and prevent unwanted mixing III. wash the taste of Great Depression down with a Dust (Punch) Bowl of Bud Light Lime-A-Rita / but like ironically / don't worry about what created rural poverty in the first place / or what sustains it / or what it can lead to IV. set up a sake bomb in a remote corner of the party / as soon as it falls, grab any Japanese drinks—even the ones brewed here — throw them in an Internment Cabinet and declare them traitorous / if guests start throwing out drinks that just look Japanese, don't correct their error V. run around and knock any red — or red-looking — red-lookin drink to the floor and let guests know the Red Cup Scare is over / let them know they can turn in their red-drinking friends for a reward / this will create the right atmosphere of safety and security VI. while you're at it, raid the party for any of those fruity-looking drinks / if anyone still wants those, set up a special Liquor Closet for their kind / raid that too sometimes VII. it should go without saying that when women order drinks, you should not fill their cups all the way / if any complain, tell them the Beverage Gap keeps this party in business / and you're not responsible for what happens to her if she drinks too much VIII. try to limit the number of drinks that guests bring from other parties / or at least pretend to / premium bottles will be allowed / complain publicly about all this illegal tequila even as you smuggle it in / don't let anyone sell it at full price, no matter what it deserves / pour off a few shots from each bottle and separate them onto a secret tray / you need this Margarita Migration to keep your costs low IX. if someone prefers not to drink, assume it is for religious reasons / ask if they want some mint tea / if they say yes / decide they are a Muslim / and tell them to get out because you don't serve Bagheads at this party X. did you refill the Crojitos yet? / we're not really calling them that anymore but don't change something that's been popular for so long / maybe change glasses / add some new trays / mix a few drinks together and call it Progress / but when things get out of hand, hire blue-suited waiters to make sure that every drink knows its place if guests are still unhappy, it is their right, they'll say, to brandish Flaming Tiki Cup Zombie Shots / watch to see who admonishes them XI. at the end of the party, take Second Amendment Shots / line up the empties / line up the spares / line up perfectly good bottles / line up the gun / and take shots shoot the brown ones / shoot the ones with weird caps / shoot some clear ones just because / shoot a whole bunch of mini-bottles sitting in a school in a box together / shoot them all / watch them explode and scatter / leave the glass for someone else
drink as much as you like drink until you believe that this tastes good don't stop it's a free party


Poets Resist is published by Glass Poetry Press.
All contents © the author.