A New Year's Diet Resolution

Brains are the most densely caloric
food there is. If your plane crashes in the Andes
and the person next to you, who reads a magazine
for the entire flight instead of being personable,
dies, fight to get part of her brain.
It might even be me. I might have been reading
a “People” magazine, which I intended to leave
in the pocket of the seat in front of me so no one
waiting for me at the airport would know
the lowbrow life I sometimes lead.
Now I suppose you would rather eat the brain
of a reader of “Poets and Writers.”
Just so you know, I have a subscription to it,
and “Cooks Illustrated.” I read it faithfully
but I do not think they ever covered the cooking
and eating of sweetbreads.